The 3 Words We Don’t Say Enough

There are 3 words we don’t say often enough—and I’m not talking about “I love you.” In the 5 years I’ve spent wondering how—or if—I could have stopped my sisters suicide, I’ve realized there was one question I didn’t ask often enough: Are you okay?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not attempting to oversimplify a despairingly complex topic, nor am I blaming myself for my sisters decision to end her life.

But the aftermath of this tragedy, I realized suicide prevention isn’t about hotlines or health care reform (although those topics should certainly be addressed). Suicide prevention is about knowing how to start a conversation with someone who is at risk.

Remove the stigma ‼️ I get it. It’s hard to talk about suicide.

But avoiding hard conversations will NEVER save lives. Discussing these issues is the only way for us to realize that we’re all more alike than we are different. 

That’s why starting an open, candid conversation is the best way to help a loved one who is suffering.

It’s easy to become overwhelmed at the idea of finding the perfect advice. But, in most cases, what we say doesn’t really matter all that much. What does matter is that our friend understands we’re there to listen—with love and without judgment.

If you still don’t know what to say, try starting with this simple question: Are you okay?

As I’ve spoken to those suffering from depression, as well as even battled episodes of my own depression, I’ve realized that, sometimes, the best treatment is a genuine friend asking a genuine question of concern.

As you talk, keep your questions open-ended, nonjudgmental, and filled with love. Try asking: 

1. Is there anything you want to tell me about what you’re thinking or feeling?

2.  Is there anything I can do to help?

3.  Do you know how much I love you?

4.  Do you understand that depression is an illness, just like heart disease, and can be treated?

5.  Will you let me help you get the help you deserve?

Your words/actions have the power to save someone’s life. The first step towards breaking the stigma is changing our language about it.